Matrimonial musings - part 2

One year into marriage and I decided to finally give the husband a surprise. It's true I'd never tried it before because he can sniff a surprise like a bloodhound. I can't tell if I'm that bad at keeping things or if he just knows me that well.

Either way, I attempted one this evening. It's another thing that he caught me smuggling the bouquet into the car, but I managed to keep the surprise a surprise till the end. I had expected to be questioned about the strange object in our boot, and he did just that. He knew I had something in mind, but didn't know what, so he tried guessing. "You got cake no?" I denied (actually I had bought a small, bit-sized pastry). Said I wasn't so predictable also. He didn't ask about the parcel in the boot again and I didn't tell.

He was nice enough to not probe further into the matter. He was gauging my irritability scale. It was quite high. Just enjoy the surprise is my funda. Why ask so many questions? On the way back, I thought about the man I met at the florist, he had asked if it was my anniversary. I had nodded in agreement. And I thought about what he said to me, looking at my elaborate plans to hide it from my husband. He said, "your husband is a lucky man." I just dwelled on his kind words. It made me glad. :)

We got home and as the husband parked the car, I ran home, shut the door behind me. Opened the bouquet, lit a candle on our anniversary pastry, turned out the lights and waited till he came home.

It was the moment of truth. Will he like it? Would he appreciate it? Or would he have called my surprise on his way up? With all these questions in mind I opened the door to let him in. And just like a little child, he ran in, saying, "I know you have something there." I was puzzled, why didn't he look surprised? Instead he just ran in to see what it is.

Then I realized, that that's so him! Curious as a boy. Wide-eyed in surprise. That's him. That's the man I fell in love with!

Why was I expecting a pretentious "OMG" moment? This, right here, is what I always wanted. As we devoured the mini-cake, I thought to myself, this marriage, this life, is the best thing to ever happen to me. And I'm eternally grateful for the year gone by and wish many many more such years of laughter and togetherness.

Happy first anniversary, my love.

Matrimonial Musings

So a colleague and I were chatting up the other day and we happened to discuss 'the girl with the whacky matrimonial website'. I had stumbled upon this site a while ago, looked through it, thought this girl was humorous, and forgot about it. Much to my surprise, this website was viral in no time. Every content syndication site I followed, had shared this website with accompanying taglines and text which in a nutshell implied 'more power to you, girl'.

This girl, like any regular Indian girl was subject to the 'matrimony' phase of life. Where your parents talk you into matrimony. Literally. Here in India, we don't have the customary 'birds & bees' talk, nah! Here, "the talk" refers primarily to marriage.

Many of us (if not all) have gone through this phase. She decided to give it a humorous twist - which I loved. Got to keep things light, cos these things tend to get a bit dreary. But, the reason why I said 'to my surprise' with respect to the website going viral, is this - it's normal.

You go through these feelings of rebelliousness, denial (that you're actually of marriageable age) and impulsiveness. But then eventually you do come to terms with it. And by coming to terms with it, I do not mean you succumb to the pressure and blindly do what is told to you - No. What I mean is - you grow up. You embrace your womanhood and seek a companion. It's normal. Whenever it happens - in your 20s, 30s or 40s.

There are 3 things we women must broadly consider:

You won't always be the same person. 
So today you may feel like you'll never grow your hair, you'll always want to climb trees and be a tomboy. But tomorrow will be different. And you don't know what you may like or dislike, then. Surely, none of us can tell the future, if we could, hell none of us would have any problems at all now, would we? The 28-year-old you will most definitely be different from the 23-year-old you. Maybe a much better version of you... who knows.

If you demand, you've got to invest, too.
There are no free lunches in life, my parents always told me. And I'd be like "what do you know? I'm smart and tactful. I can get free lunches whenever I want." No surprises here. I was wrong. You have to pay for your lunches, always. The main takeaway being - only if you give, will you get. And this applies to anything in life. So if you want someone to care about your desires, you must care about theirs.

It's easy to demand a partner who likes to travel and play the guitar - but that's just what you like. What about the desires of the other person? What if he wants his partner to have long locks that he can sing songs about? Are you willing to give up your tomboy image so he can serenade you?

Marriage is not necessarily a bad thing.
This I feel is a big, BIG taboo, given the modern world we live in. There are several horror stories we come across, yes. But there are also so many wonderful fairytale marriages out there that we don't talk about. There are so many women who lead better, happier lives after marriage than they ever did before. It's a yin-yang world out there, we can't always consider the negative part right? So those of you  who are on the brink of making this big decision, give it your best shot. And to those who aren't, don't write it off. Marriage is like any other big decision you make that brings about big change in your life. Like when you move to a new city or a new apartment, it takes time to settle down, adjust to the new climate and surroundings. But we learn to adapt, don't we?

Contrary to popular opinion, it's not something that ties you down. It in fact can be greatly liberating - running your own life, on your own terms, with a partner to share your highs and lows with.

This post I suppose will make more sense if I told you, I was one of those rebellious characters who ran far and fast from this thing called marriage. I had a good job, great friends and a hugely supportive family. And I thought this was it! What more can one need from life? Until I got married.

No don't worry, none of this came to an end :)
In fact, I have a better job, amazing friends, a loving family and a partner who makes my world go round, and wonder why I didn't get married sooner?!

Writing in meditation

Thoughts.
There are so many.
There goes one, and here comes another.
There's no end to them.

Sometimes you just want to make them stop.
No, pause.
Just a moment. Of peace.
So hard to find.

A wave of thoughts hit the shores of the mind.
Breaks, disintegrates and flows back to nothingness.

This is good.
Now they're just coming and going as I watch, detached.
They don't disturb me any more.
I feel calm watching them.
Writing them.
Here.

It's almost like meditation.
Now I feel better.

Let's get back to work! :)